In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
