people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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