Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
