just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
