I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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