She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
