the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
