i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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