you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
