Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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