sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
