I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
