I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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