and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
why is half of my head shaved?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize