it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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