I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
