nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
