Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
