Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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