Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
