I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
