can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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