some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
