Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
