We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
