Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
