Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
