So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
