everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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