peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
