Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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