somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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