I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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