If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
