Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
either way he was missing a nipple.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
