this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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