the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
