How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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