stop calling my apartment porn island.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
