yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
