Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
