Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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