just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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