She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
