So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
