I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
