i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
