i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
