i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
