listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
