Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
