You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
