remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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