I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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