guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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