OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
