meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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