I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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