I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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