My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
