I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
