I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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